


The Five Times No One Thought Loki's Boyfriend Existed and the One Time He Did

by dofensphinx



Series: Purple Pants AU [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, Roombas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:08:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1621937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dofensphinx/pseuds/dofensphinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes long distance relationships are hard, but his brother's friends would just leave him alone, Loki's would be a hell of a lot easier. Just because no one has seen his boyfriend doesn't mean he's not real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five Times No One Thought Loki's Boyfriend Existed and the One Time He Did

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ayellowbirds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayellowbirds/gifts).



“I don’t believe you’re actually datin’ anyone”, Tony swayed unsteadily on his stool, pointing at where he thought Loki was, but was really a few inches away from where the other man was sitting.

Loki raised his eyebrow, not that he wasn’t used to Tony’s rather bizarre rantings when he got enough booze in him, but they hardly ever talk about his love life. Unless it’s Tony attempting to get himself inserted into said love life, “And why is that Stark? We weren’t even talking about that”

“Because…I have never even seen him!” At that point Tony just fell over totally, head first into the floor.

Loki blinked once, and then twice. Then he decided Pepper could deal with this and he was just going the hell home.

*  
Loki sat on his bed, twitching ever so slightly at the blaring red icon on the bottom of his laptop screen. Of all the fucking days for this to happen to him, it had to be today.

“THOR”, his brother had to be in the apartment somewhere, the TV had the sounds of Supernanny (he was going to kill Coulson one of these days for introducing Thor to that), screeching from it.

“BROTHER”, of course Thor thought something actually horrible had happened, though he should have learned by now that Loki had the ability to screech like a harpy if he had to.

“Did you disconnect the internet. Again”, Thor had the tendency to throw things around the apartment when he got excited. Generally a foam harmer that he had gotten as a gag gift. It seemed attracted to important cords and electronics the most.

Thor looks sheepish for a moment, “I apologize Brother but no, the internet is out for the day. The call came earlier”

Loki could feel his twitch getting progressively worse, just when he had started to get it under control too, “…WHAT. I WAS SUPPOSED TO TALK TO VICTOR TODAY WHY THE HELL WOULDN’T YOU TELL ME”

“…I forgot?” he gave a little smile, that Loki knew meant, and I think it’s unhealthy for you to spend all your time on this fake guy, “Can you not call him?”

“He used his phone to make the Doomba”

“The”

“Don’t ask”

*

“Let me set you up with someone”, are for some reason the first words out of Pepper Pot’s mouth when they meet for coffee because she’s somewhat sensiable and doesn’t make him want to bash his head into a wall.

Well normally. “What”

“It’s just that you, you’re so alone all the time Loki! It’s not healthy, even Thor gets out”, She didn’t mention that no one was totally sure Thor was dating because he was the type of guy who kissed anyone at any time.

Loki gives her a rather dark glare, he rather likes being alone and he does sometimes go out with Thor’s bizarre group of friends, even the small woman who seems to be constantly full of static and always shocks him, “I have a boyfriend Pepper”

“I know Loki but…he’s so far away and—“

Instead of listening to another round of no one actually thinks your boyfriend is real, Loki just leaves.

*

When Clint starts attempting to grind on him, Loki remembers why he likes to be the sober one at parties so that he can laugh at the drunk people and take embarrassing  
pictures. Because being tipsy is so not going to help him deal with this right now.

“Get off of me you bird”, he pushes against Clint’s chest, and the man is so drunk that he almost moonwalks away instead of stumbling. Clint can dance when drunk. Mainly. He seems to want to do impressions of Michael Jackson.

“Commme oooon, Loooooookiiiii”, Clint almost sounds like a bird when he does that, making Loki’s eardrums want to burst.

“…you are much too drunk for me to even deal with. I don’t find your gyrating and crotch thrusting attractive. Even if I did, you know very well I have romantic attachments that make me unavailable to your nonsense”

“You’re pretty, leave your fake boyfriend and sleep with meee”

*  
“I find it hard to believe that your boyfriend exists”, At least Natasha is straight and to the point about it, instead of dancing around it or having to be drunk to tell him, “We’ve never seen him and you have no pictures”

“He hates pictures, not that I blame him, I don’t need a picture of him to know he exists. Also he lives in Latveria…and he’s not technically allowed in the United States at this time”, that should be enough for someone like Natasha, “And no one believed you existed when Clint wouldn’t shut up about you for a year. Because of whatever your job is”

“Classified.”

“You turned out to be real, I fail to see why Victor can’t be”

“Because you’re the King of Lies”, normally that title gives him great pleasure but at this moment it just makes him grumpy, implying that because he’s good at lying that he must be lying about Victor is ridiculous.

“You all need hobbies. Why don’t you get Rogers laid instead of me”

“Rogers is getting laid. Repeatedly. By your brother”

“Ew”

*

The day Victor finally comes to America, Loki doesn’t have a car so he has to bum one off the only person who knows Victor actually exists because Phil Coulson knows everything and even for someone like Loki who spends most of his time knowing everything about everyone, Coulson’s abilities are ridiculous.

“Have you told your brother just whose going to be staying with him?” Coulson’s voice just a tone of pleasant conversation, but Loki knows he’s not so happy about the whole  
thing.

“Thor doesn’t even believe that Victor is real, if I told him just who he was, do you think he would believe me anymore?” Victor’s…life is complicated, and the reasons he technically wasn’t allowed in the States are even more complicated. Explaining them to Thor would just take too much time.

“You should tell him”

“Mm”, Loki makes a noncommittal noise, because it’s both not Coulson’s business and Victor has finally come out of Baggage Claim. He can’t see Victor’s face, but he doesn’t need to. The Hoodie is huge, covering his face to the point where he might as well be wearing a mask, but his back is straight and he walks with authority.

“Doom does not enjoy long flights. You must make this up to Doom Loki”

If he hadn’t been talking to Victor on Skype for months, he might have been ready for the weirdness of hearing him talk about himself in the third person. Using part of his last name.

“I would hope seeing me is enough to make it up to you”

Victor snorts, and his hood moves just enough that Loki can see the smallest pucker on his cheek, the only reason the hood constantly covers his face, “It helps. But Doom requires a dinner”

Loki rolled his eyes, “If you want a date, all you have to do is say so”

“Doom does not ask”


End file.
